Letters to Heaven
posted on 23 Feb 2009 21:29 by alonniy in simplyBrother,
It's been a while.
I know you've been waiting to hear something from me and I really do want to write you something.
But I just can't bring myself to write it out.
The thing is I am trouble, brother.
I just realize how much I have been so hard on myself lately.
I find it's hard to forgive myself when I make a mistake while I can easily forgive others.
I pick up on myself, criticizing and everything. I even hate myself some time.
Well, actually a lot of times.
I still remember those times when you keep telling me to be kind to myself some time.
"Treat yourself nicely. It wouldn't hurt to indulge yourself once in a while." You said.
I keep telling myself that too, brother.
But you know all too well that saying is easier than done.
Look at me.
I can't even pick out a highlight for myself.
I am just this ordinary person.
I don't have the look and I don't have that kind figure every one would dream about.
I don't play sport. I can't sing. I can't play any musical instrument.
I can't swim and I can't even drive.
You used to praise me for my English.
But brother, many people around here can speak English.
It isn't a rare sight to see someone speaking English this day.
Maybe the problem is that I don't feel special anymore.
I don't feel unique or extraordinary or different anymore.
I wanna be special, brother.
Deep down inside, I really hope that if I am special, he would look at me.
That he would recognize me and talk to me.
That one day he would see me.
Now you know my problem.
This is why I don't want to write to down in words.
I would yapping like an old hag.
I know you kind of enjoying this talking-nonsense part of me.
But to be frankly I really don't. I hate this love mode.
I find it's irritating. It gets me weak.
I really wish you were here with me like old times, brother.
Those shoulders I could cry when I get weak.
Those words to lift me up when I feel down.
I really do...
Yours,
Mana
Tags: brother, letter0 Comments